I know the temples have fallen. I have seen their stones toppled, bones, remains. I have stood in the sun and felt the heat still retained in them, for the stones live still, and the temples are alive too, inside my body…
After all that is what the temples were always meant to signify, to recreate, and then finally to house and hold…the body.
Maybe this is why my bare feet slipping across and resting against the warm temple floor is one of my favorite memories of being a Priestess, and why so many women have told me that my writing about that particular memory so moved them. They remembered too. Long after the clear light of lucid past life memories has fallen into the subconscious cracks between lifetimes, between blinks, though retrievable, the sensual impressions remain. In fact, when I teach and speak of these sensual memories the women often cry, and ask for more. We all want to go back, back to that feeling we had when we knew those warm stone floors against bare skin. Back to when we felt our skin. Back to the time when we could feel everything. There was nothing taboo, or constrained. There was nothing overwhelming but bliss, and joy, and the throb of the ancient universe pulsing with love, in our bodies. Always, in our bodies.
We want to go back to the time when we were Sacredly Sexual Priestesses, or really part of any unfettered, unadulterated, uninhibited days as a Priestess. For before the days of what I call in my book, The Oracle Within, “The Great Forgetting,” all Priestesshoods were sacredly sexual. For the sexual had not been strained from the sacred, or the spiritual, or even falsely thought to be so. In fact, it was one unutterable truth. One did not exist without the other…and still does not.
For when I see the bright blossom flash, the unspeakable hot-pink lick of petals on my peach tree every year, I know I have to stop everything else, and let it in. I know in the midst of a life without temples, without the kind of sisterhood I knew, without the support of being able to live that life without any other concern, I still have the secrets within. Not only because I am an Oracle with full awareness of my gifts, and not only because I remember those lifetimes as a Sacredly Sexual Priestess as if they happened for me yesterday…but because I know where the temple still remains…in my body, and in nature.
Okay so yes, it is so incredibly special that I can live my life now doing the work I love with my whole heart, living as a modern Priestess. I adore and relish it with utter gratitude. However that doesn’t mean I don’t find myself suddenly sitting on the porch of my house, head in my hands, reeling sometimes with the intensity of the current transformational energies, and the difficulties of living in the world as it is now. It doesn’t mean I don’t ache with it. It just means I know how to take that essential time to feel it all, to hold my head gently, and when I am finally ready, to lift my head and notice that spring is lighting up the very edges of existence…that the plants in my yard are literally glowing with life force and beauty…that the breeze has started to smell like warm earth and new sprouts and the first, fresh, courageous flowers. It means I know how to feel my skin.
It sounds like a little thing, I know, feeling one’s skin, and feeling one’s own heart, but it is the path home. Home not far off, or later down the road. Home here, now, in your body. It is how we find the Priestess within (regardless of gender) and the temple again.
Do you remember the way mornings felt so fresh that every day seemed immediately filled with possibilities? Do you remember how you didn’t wake to think of what you had to do, but all that you could do, and, most importantly, what you most wanted to do? Remember when you didn’t live for anyone else, even if you had an intimate relationship, and you were loved and cherished by many? When your life was about you. And not just about you, but your heart’s desire. Do you remember the way food tasted when you weren’t starving for nutrients and it didn’t taste like emptiness because of a dulled lack of feeling and robbed sense of taste? Perhaps it seems strange to describe that sense as robbed, but really we have lost the real depth and potential of all of our senses. At this point I am not sure how much it matters how they were lost. It only matters whether we can find them again.
I can tell you where they are…but I will also tell you right away that it takes the greatest courage I know to go there. They are down that corridor…you know, the one in the temple that got shut off and became forbidden. There are few lights down there, so you will likely have to feel your way along in the dark, wondering if you are crazy, and feeling as if you are risking your life. After all, you have been punished before, in a myriad of ways, for wanting to feel, and wanting to know your own body, and wanting to embody the ecstatic, electric rush of love and life force that you are. Of course it is scary.
And yes, this means having to become Lilith who knew her serpent power. It means being willing to upset “god” because you know better…because there is no more true divinity than that which lies inside of you. It means being willing to say no to the garden of eden and perhaps your current company, if it doesn’t feel right, because you know it means there is something better. A better paradise born of your own beauty and truth. It means being willing to realize that the power is yours.
It means pissing some people off and not being liked by everyone. It means upsetting the “flow” sometimes and not paying attention to those who would tie rocks to your glorious wings. It means being willing to fly. But to be light enough to fly you have to be willing to cast off your burdens, at absolutely any risk your heart truly compels you to take. You can discover and loose these burdens one at a time, or one day you might find yourself standing at the edge of a cliff, finally feeling as if there is nothing to lose, and taking the leap. That day might be today. For in truth, the more we allow ourselves to feel, the more each step is a leap of faith, and perfect release.
I want to lay down, like we did before, under the trees by the temple lake, with the universe singing in my body, and say nothing, but see the shared knowing in one another’s eyes. I want to see the women rise up and speak, and bring back the era of beauty and peace on the planet, because it is time, and we know the secrets, and we know the way. We know the way back to that corridor we stopped visiting long ago, where we sealed off the forbidden fruit. For all the answers are there, and all the missing pieces, and the nourishment, and the seeds. First we have to nourish ourselves, and in the splendor of giving ourselves what we have always wanted, the seeds will fall and cover the earth with orchards of trees of knowing, and the sweetest, ripest fruits that come from it, forbidden no more…
Want some support in accessing these fruits? Check out the upcoming Sexual Woman Ecstatic Enlightenment Training! It is available all over the world, starts next week and is almost full so jump in if the water feels good!
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