Jennifer Posada

Wednesday, April 24th, 2008 ~ Luxor, Egypt

(this is the continuation of a travel journal that begins with the April 18th entry further below.)

No matter how esoteric my other loves may be, I must admit I have an incredible weakness for an empty computer room with coffee and plenty of time to write in a country far away from home.  Such luxuries…

As wordless as most of my reality and perception as an Oracle may be, it is words, especially when written, that somehow integrate those ethereal worlds with this one for me.  Words tie them together and make lovely bridges accross beautiful rivers inside of me.  Rivers I might otherwise be swept away on so much of the time.  So when you add travel to the most exotic places in the world, and coffee, it just gets that much better.

I am in a one-day window between my experiences in the temples around Luxor and leaving for Cairo tomorrow.  Two days in Cairo will then lead to our leaving Egypt for Greece…for Delphi.  It is all too incredible to do at once.  And I know I have done this voyage before.  In fact I think many Oracles did.  Egypt became hostile to those ways when the real power struggles began, and Greece still welcomed them.

Something I love most about both travel and writing is the perspective they afford.  They are each an altered state all their own.  They take you to a perch on a mountain somewhere and allow you to look down at what you think your life is, and who you think you are.  They allow you, like so many other creative acts and surrendered states, to see it all in a different light, and to have a great deal more vision about where you want to head next.  It lets you see your path more clearly…and change what you would like to.  It removes you from the surroundings you usually live and operate in and reminds you that you are writing your own story, and that you can change the way you feel about it and see it at any time.  It reminds you that you are not bound by the things you think you are, or in the way you believe yourself to be.  These things create space.  They let you breathe more deeply again, and become new again.

Who knew I would lead such an amazing life?  I did, I guess.  Once, Egypt was a far-off dream…a memory from ages ago in my soul.  Now the temples are familiar to me the way places I grew up are familiar.  It’s how they speak to me that so moves me.  It is how they fill me with an energy one feels who is truly loved.  It is how I don’t even walk when that feeling comes…I float, as if the primordial ocean has rushed in and filled the rooms and I have become one with its waves.  And I don’t have to create this space.  It has already been created for me…thousands of years ago.  The memory is there.

All places are sacred, but those that have been acknowledged, honored and celebrated as such carry that memory…that vibration…and transmit and amplify it, like crystals.  We were the last ones to leave both Abydos and Dedera temples yesterday, as the other people were with groups and were led out ahead of us by their group leaders.  In fact, at Dendera we were down in the crypt (an underground hall beneath the temple) when the “crypt-keeper” (who was very nice as it happens : ) came down to tell us that the whole caravan was leaving.  Being down there alone I had been able to hear the silence.  The beautiful, resonant silence that seemed to beckon to one to go even deeper, and deeper, and deeper…

Singing and toning in the temples, as I have been able to so much in the past few days, it has felt as though the thousands of years had never passed.  No more were the priestesses and priests a thing of the past…times merged and the lost times weren’t lost anymore.  Yes, my friends, they are coming back, and you and I are going to live to see it.  I wrote that in my book when I wrote about the “Return of the Oracle,” and every day I see it coming to be more and more.  Don’t be distracted or disuaded by the things which make it seem untrue.  That is what they are here to do…to distract and disuade.  Keep your eyes on whatever brings you joy and makes you feel that home might indeed be here on this earth for you still…that there might be something so grand happening on this planet that it would be big enough to encompass all of who you are.

Because who you are is so vast…and I know it has been hard to fit in a little body in an even tinier context sometimes.  But let me promise you that this life, this earth, this embodiment has so much bliss to yet offer you that it might be hard to comprehend from the place of pain so many of us have known so well, and even still know.

Just keep your little flame burning and know that the hardest moments where everything looks the darkest will pass.  They always pass.  Stay close to whatever brings back your faith and your joy.  That is the only spiritual path worth taking.  Draw near to whatever lights and feeds the glowing flame in your heart.  Leave the rest behind.  It is time…

I love you all and hope to write again soon…

Love, Jennifer

Monday, April 23rd, 2008 ~ Luxor, Egypt

(This is the continuation of a travel journal that began with the April 18th entry.)

Dear Friends,

I am writing to you today with so much joy in my heart.  The long travel to arrive was worth it in every way imaginable.  For those of you who don’t know, I came to Egypt to teach at a conference called the Planetary Leadership Conference (you can read about it at www.spiritinluxor.com) and at the last minute the venue was forced to change, and by a miracle it was moved right into the ancient temples themselves.  So for the last three days I have been teaching, toning and channeling inside the temples.  It has truly been a dream come true.

I was able to chant to the goddess sekhmet at the feet of her statue at Karnak in that very special chapel so many of you have visited.  I was able to chant for the divine feminine in the Hathor temples at Hatsepshut and Deir al Medina.  Today, at the latter, I experienced a kind of full-body chanelling of sound unlike anything I have ever known.  It was beyond exquisite.  It was breathtaking.

To live in these times as an Oracle, and to still be able to return to homelands like this and to sing and to speak in the temples as we did thousands of years ago is a gift beyond explanation.  It makes my heart so full that I am at a loss of words to describe it.

I am in love with life for bringing me here at this time in this way, and excited to visit Abydos and Dendara temples tomorrow, and then to carry on to Cairo and Greece. I will write again soon, and I have carried you all in my heart.

Love, Jennifer

The travel journal begins…

Saturday, April 18th, 2008 ~ Luxor, Egypt

Travel, for me, is like life concentrated.  It is like a strong espresso or a stiff liquor.  It hits hard, and you pay for it later sometimes, but it also takes you to incredible heights.  It is like injecting something straight into the vein, and though I am glad I am not as addicted as I could be, I am afraid I started young and will probably never really get it out of my system.  I make up for this by hiding out and going almost nowhere when I am at home.  And then I take a big leap and find myself in Africa.  In a different kind of home, both familiar and foreign, every time.  But travel itself, as uncomfortable as it usually is, becomes a sort of companion whose endless change and total mutability is a strange reprieve from a life of what is often false security anyway.  Travel pushes me…sometimes onto my knees…but deep and hard into myself, and out of myself.  And I am glad to say it is the only, thank the universe, semi-abusive relationship that I have never been able to let go of.

It is hard, and soft.  It is labor, it is birth.  It is a miracle, and a suffering.  It is something brilliant, and it makes me fearless.  There is suddenly no “great world” out there, but I am in that great world…it is all around me…I am it.  The world becomes small and reaches out a hand to touch me, and I am everywhere.

All the while my body is stretched beyond its capacity, and somehow it always makes the stretch.  After the first ten-hour flight to Paris I actually felt quite good.  I was so proud of myself.  This is going to be a smooth trip, I thought.  After five hours in the Paris airport, having been up all night I was still feeling good.  Though the walls were beginning to move and delerium was setting in, I ate a designer sandwich and felt alright.  The five hour flight to Cairo is when it started to hit me.  By then we had traveled all day and night, and the four-hour wait at the Cairo airport was a limbo-land someplace outside of my physical form.  My stomach ached from the airline food I always have to resort to when my healthy food bars don’t cut it.  I willed my legs to keep moving (and even to run when we found out our luggage wasn’t going to come with us to Luxor…but to no avail).

So by the time we made the one-hour flight to Luxor, arriving at midnight, and tried to file a report to get our luggage, we were exhausted.  Two days later we still don’t have our luggage, but you know there is something very simple about wearing the same clothes every day and using lotion to condition your hair.  And travel does make you grateful for the simple things…the kindness of strangers when you find it, someone who speaks your language enough to understand what the hell you are talking about, a decent meal…and then there is the arrival…

The moment when you realize you have made it to the place you made all that effort to reach…the moment you see the nile again stretching out before you, and the palms waving at you accross it.  The moment you feel the presence of the beings you hold so dear reaching into you from deep in the earth…welcoming you.  The moment you see the temples rising straight up out of the ancient past and filling your broken body with absolute and total bliss.  And it suddenly doesn’t matter if you are starving or aching…you will something beyond your body to set you free and you move on pure prana…and as long as you can still stand upright you are alright for a while.

I wonder sometimes if everyone travels like me or not.  I wonder if some people take simple trips, or have a different endurance level.  I wonder if some take it softer…water down their stiff drinks.  I know there must be a wisdom in that, and yet I am already ruined for that kind of travel…or that kind of life really.  I have learned to enjoy it slowly when needed, but never to water it down. 

It is good to know how to go with the flow when traveling, especially in Egypt.  Apparently our conference was flagged as unfavorable in some way (threatening perhaps?) and blackballed.  No hotel in Luxor, or Egypt for that matter, is allowed to give us space to hold this metaphysical conference.  (Don’t try to understand why…it would make you dizzy with its irrational circles.)  But this has forced the facilitators to split the group into parts and take them to the temples for three days.  In the temples we are allowed to lead our meditations and talks, which I think is extraordinary and thrills me to no end.  Instead of teaching in a conference room I will be toning in the temples.  Like a dream come true.

In the meantime, before the conference starts tomorrow, I will be praying to the Goddess of Lost Luggage to help us with a miracle tonight.  And I will go out now just in time to sit on the barge on the nile and watch the sun set with a flame inside my heart.  I am nowhere somehow, and yet I wouldn’t be anywhere else right now.  I am grateful, for everything my life has held, and for the chance to be in this homeland again. 

I will hope you will all be with me in spirit in these next few days, as I tone, chant to the Egyptian Deities, and teach fellow oracles in the great temples…at the dawn of the Great Remembering.

My love to all of you…

Jennifer

Sunday, April 13th, 2008

Perhaps when we are at our most vulnerable we are also at our most powerful.

Why we shrink from our naked beauty and reach quickly to cover it up as soon as we find it, I do understand. It is hard to walk through the world of things with hard shells without one. Even in one’s inner worlds it feels compromising and exposed to be so soft and formless. We seek form and structure, and though these are ultimately helpful when we need a foundation to grow from and be supported by, all forms and structures begin in the formless…all invulnerabilities are born from being vulnerable.

I have often commented that insecurity gets a bad name. Usually when we speak of it we are referring to the chronic insecurity that is debilitating to our healthy confidence and authenticity. But some exploration of insecurity is necessary in order to find what feels truly secure to us. Because true security is ever-changing and flexible. We must waver between secure and insecure to continue to know ourselves in each moment.

Not being sure of ourselves can be an incredibly powerful resource, because our vulnerability usually means we have just shed a skin. We are new, and we have new potentials awaiting us. And yet this is the moment we are overwhelmed by sensation and insecurity, and immediately want to shut down…to find the new form and name it prematurely. We are afraid to just wait…and trust…and let the new form emerge.

Most of us have been taught that vulnerability is weak, even dangerous. But vulnerability can be pure alchemy. It can be the entryway to the void…the place of all the energies of creation.

So many times we have all had layers peeled away. It becomes hard to imagine that this could continue, and intensify. And yet if we know this is only refining us, and making us lighter and ultimately more alive, we may better survive these passages of fire. Still, when we begin to feel we are losing grip on reality and on all that is left of our identity, the tendency is to grab hold of something for dear life and refuse to let go. We are seeking safety, shelter, but we don’t realize there is safety even in the storm as well as in its passage.

This is a time of great change, both this decade and this particular moment in time. It is a time of losing grip on reality, but this is because reality is changing. It is also a time of losing identity, but only for the sake of finding something truer. Trust yourself. You know exactly what to do and how to move through these moments with a wild and burning heart that long ago left your control, and yet knows the way better than you ever imagined…if you but trust it. Beyond reason, there is an endless field of flowers radiant in the sun and breezes, and you can never be lost there. You are always found.

You are not alone. When you are vulnerable you are most open to the support of the universe, and to new energies. Decide that the more confusing or challenging things are right now, the greater the blessings that follow will be. Good things are coming…be soft with yourself and so understanding. Treat yourself with the utmost love and tenderness, and ride the waves in any way you know how.

With love from my heart to yours…

Jennifer

Saturday, April 5th, 2008

There just isn’t anything in the world for me like dancing. The best is the kind I can lose myself in completely. It has to be brought on by the right music…a sound that captures me deep inside. At those times I don’t have to go looking for the beat because it finds me, and takes me over, and becomes me…until I don’t exist anymore, and there is just the rhythm, and the melody…and the bliss.

When I can move my body like that there aren’t any thoughts left. There are only feelings and they have no name. Nothing could be wrong because everything is so world-rockingly right. When I am there I know I am at the very center of my being, and there is no sense of anything being missing. There is only wholeness, and surrender.

But I can’t be dancing all the time, so I have to find that beat inside me that is always there, and stay with it. Any place we go in this world, including the travels through our own minds and feelings, may overwhelm us with various inputs and influences, and the key to staying centered is to make our own inner vibration so strong that we can still hear and feel it over the waves.

Our own inner rhythm will always guide us, allow us to know ourselves in a way that will empower us in any situation, and keep us always aware of our authentic selves. It is when we lose that beat inside that we get lost, distracted, and unnecessarily drained of our energy.

When we know how to keep our own vibration strong inside, we find something else amazing…we are already where we want to be and just don’t often know it. What I mean is that if there is something you are wanting in your life, then immediately it creates a strong potential for feeling lack. But if we allow ourselves to nurture the vibration inside of us of the thing or situation that we are wanting, the actual events or opportunities will come to us that much more easily.

Sometimes I am at a party by myself and don’t quite know where to connect. So I start a little party inside me, and find something I like doing. People always end up joining me. I set a vibration that I wanted to feel, and just waited for the company or opportunities that aligned with it to come to me.

We are so busy trying to “create” our futures in the new age that we have forgotten to be what we want. For instance, if you want a soul mate, think about why. What is it that you want to feel that your soul mate would give you? Companionship, passion, nurturing, excitement? How could you make your life more passionate, nurturing, exciting and accompanied as it is now? Because if you can step into the feelings you think that partnership will give you, you will stop waiting for someone to fulfill that in you and, ironically, be even more open to magnetizing that person to you.

In fact this is one of the secrets of magnetism. Why would you work so hard to find or create something when you can just build the energy inside yourself and draw it right to you without even trying hard? Is it money you want more of? What feelings would having more money give you? Security, support, freedom, creativity? How can you open to feeling more supported, secure, free and creative as you are right now?

I know cultivating those feelings is not the same as having hard cash in your pocket, just as feeling passion in your heart won’t replace the feeling of another body pressed up to yours. However the more full you are of the vibrations you desire, the higher you will raise your magnetism to draw their physical outcomes, even though by then you will feel that you need them less! (It won’t make them any less wonderful to receive or experience, I promise.)

Finding the really good groove inside of you will open you up, and promote self-love and pleasurable feelings. It will help you never to compare yourself to others or feel less or more than anyone else, because it will allow you to feel so good about exactly who you are, incomparable and unique. You will stop looking outside of yourself for satisfaction and start to find out that so much of what you have been waiting for has been right inside of you.

Don’t think this will be a let-down. You don’t lose the goodness of yearning or the satisfaction of interaction and manifestation, you just finally invite yourself to your own party…and find out that it is the best party you could ever be at. And the people, the abundance, and the miracles to make it come into reality are all details your soul and the universe can discuss and arrange over a cup of coffee…or several…while you are busy dancing.

Love,
Jennifer

Thursday, March 20th, 2008

It isn’t quite time yet…for the rosebuds. The hot pink camelias outside our kitchen windows are blooming absolutely shamelessly. It is a saving grace. The white and pink blossoms on fruit trees are blushing with life everywhere I go. But there are a few more phases of spring before the wild roses begin to bud. When they do you know summer is really going to come.

Every year I go out and pick them, in forests and on roadsides, and they perform on me a kind of alchemy I have never found elsewhere. They completely intoxicate me with their unbelievable smell (worlds within worlds) and the stickiness they leave on my fingers, and their endless shades of deep and perfect pinks.

They aren’t here, but I know they are coming, and I have them to look forward to. And in the meantime I feel as if I am already gathering them…just by looking at my life.

On my birthday this year we rented a room near where we live, and not even leaving the island we felt like we were taking a trip. Sometimes just changing your environment and being in a neutral space can give you such a sense of perspective, freedom, and renewal. I love to reflect. And a birthday, especially this one, was a great time to do just that. I found some surprises. I found that there were far fewer photos from my past that I wanted to add to my new photo album than I thought there would be. All the photos from my lifetime are in boxes, and I thought I would finally make an album. I set dozens aside, but when it really came time to start placing them I had the great realization that I only wanted to add the ones that brought me joy to see.

I realized that as much as I love my friends from my past that didn’t make it into my present, I have let them go. And that was a relief. Far from meaning I don’t love them anymore, it may even mean I am free to love them more.

I realized that most of what I wanted to see were reflections of myself…either in images of me or of those in whom I could see myself or my love reflected. And I didn’t feel ashamed of that at all. We all want to see ourselves truly. It is the only way we will ever see others truly too.

And then all the things that felt conflicting in my life, or confusing, seemed to be rubbed clean…and started to have a golden glow. And I realized that gratitude, real gratitude, will redeem anything. It heals all. It rises above duality and paradox, and transcends dark illusions and heavy burdens. When we can feel gratitude for all that has passed in our lives, we are suddenly whole.

I know another thing about gratitude, and this is that it can’t be forced. It has to be naturally-occurring, like sexual desire. It has to come in its own time and in its own way, and then, to get the most it has to offer, we just need to open fully to it.

Many times in the past when I had finished a reading with someone I felt overwhelmed. But not in a tired or drained way…no…just overwhelmed with some energy I couldn’t name at first. And then one day I realized it was gratitude and I let it wash over me, like a wave…and found a deep and sweet resolution and release. It is like a song pouring out of me when it happens, and yet filling me up instead.

Lately I have been finding that that it simply wants to happen more…about all kinds of things, even things that carry pain for me or once did. It just seems to be there waiting for me at so many turns…and I welcome it. I am ready for it. Looking at my life this way, past and present, is like one long day of gathering rosebuds. And they are all, somehow, so sweet…and bittersweet…and sweet…

Suddenly, when one spends life gathering rosebuds (while they may), there is no more regret, or shame, or even judgment. There is nothing left of the facts and the stories…just a deep fragrance from a very long summer you will always know in your heart.

May this summer live forever in your heart, may gratitude naturally find you and seduce you into surrendering to it, and may you therefore remember that all you are ever doing, is gathering rosebuds…

Love,
Jennifer

Saturday, March 15th, 2008

So funny how we think about spiritual work sometimes…

Like it is a practice we can learn, or an impending event of ascension, or applied healing. Like it is a book we will write, and suddenly our wisdom will have been discovered and expressed. We will have done something with our gifts. It could be all of these things, but ironically you can do all of these things and still miss the heart of what we may really be here to share.

And it is much too simple, and goes almost entirely unseen…though its far-reaching impact always eventually comes back around…and becomes like a slow wave of bliss rising in our lives. For the true work of a spiritually-aware, mystical person…an Oracle or a Healer or a Master of any kind, is in little kindnesses. Not just the ones that are evident. I am including the true kindnesses that are sometimes hard to share. Sometimes to be truly kind we must be honest in a way that will not be well-received in the moment. For to only give the gift of your kindness when it looks nice or feels good is not true kindness. True kindness is something you have to search your heart for and be courageous to express. It seems to cost everything.

It is this courage that makes the heart of a mystic. This willingness and this fragile but undying hope. This desire to light a tiny flame on a dark night, regardless of whether your effort is known. The desire to do it for the sake of the light. It is a knowingness, deep in your bones, that will never be found that way anywhere outside of you…only reflected there as a reminder.

It is living by tiny glimmers of retribution at times, but cherishing them as the little nourishments on the hard passages of the path. It is loving those glimmers so much that we would be carried by them on the ocean of longing and doubt. These glimmers that are the moments we can see it all…what it has all been worth and the difference we have made, sometimes in something seemingly-inconsequential. It is a spontaneous and authentic compliment, listening to someone without judgment, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable in front of others, or reaching out a hand when no one else is there. It is saying what we have to when we are so afraid. It is about being who we really are, no matter what. It is about taking risks, and trusting against all odds. It is about looking beyond how things seem, and touching someone with love. It is about being able to send love…infinite love, without a return address.

It is about being gentle with yourself…treating yourself like the finest of creatures you have ever known…with reverence and incredible love. It is about doing something nice for yourself when you are so far in the hole there is no more sunshine left. It is about small steps and tiny gestures, and little acts of letting go. It is about letting love in.

It is about knowing that every challenge, every heartache, every moment of suffering you have ever known, has only made you a more beautiful and amazing resource to the others who will suffer and find solace in your expanded and infinite heart. It is about trusting that you do have this heart, and accessing the fire inside to share it. It is, definitely, about burning.

Never doubt that your tiny candle flame, just as much as your blaze, has made a million differences and continues to do so every day. And the more aware you are of this phenomenon, of being a keeper-0f-the-flame, the greater the amazing ripple effect becomes…for others around you and back to your own great heart.

We are here to do just that…keep that flame going inside, and relight the flames of others when they go out. And to do this we must be detached about how the light, how the fire, does its work. We are there simply to bear it…the way we bear our gifts…either as a burden or a triumph and a sacred blessing. Or some of both, as each day passes through its many cycles. But we all know we bear this flame, and that we came to do something with it. Just open your chest, trust yourself, and let it shine.

Here is to the greatness you give to this world…

Love,
Jennifer

Thursday, March 6th, 2008

Notes from an Oracle, after one thousand readings in this lifetime…and as many other lifetimes as a tree has leaves…

or, on why I don’t predict the future…most of the time…

There are no promises in this life, and I wouldn’t change that fact for anything. The greatest thing my vision gives me is not a perfect view of the future…I would tremble at the thought…but a better view of right now. After all, the future is both written and unwritten, and the writing was both written long ago, and is at the same time just the extension of the pen stroke we are making right now. We are writing it, and looking ahead in the book is not going to give us answers about the future so much as clues to the present…where both past and future always reside.

The past and the future are glorious myths, and at the same time they are as real as the moment we stand in. They are not separate. The past and the future are treasure maps…and the treasure is this moment. The more we can claim the treasure, the richer and more beautiful the landscape around us becomes. Suddenly there is gold even in the ugliness behind us, and the things we fear could be yet to come.

When someone asks me a question in a reading that I can’t see the outcome of, I describe it as a “little curtain” that is closed. It isn’t that I couldn’t push it aside…it is that I never would. What is there is sacred. What is there is a mystery. That mystery is worth more unseen than it could ever be when pushed or prodded, or looked at prematurely. It is yet unformed, or not meant to be seen. It is not good to force the opening of a bud. Do we really want to know what day of the year we will meet our soulmate? Or what he or she will be wearing, or their name? Do we want to remove the mystery that we would find in all the ones who come before, whose names are different? We usually don’t want to know when we would die…why would we want a map of how we will live? Instead, we want to know how to live. Instead we want to know if we have a soulmate and will meet them this lifetime. The details are details and they are the secret and gorgeous artwork of the universe. We don’t need to know everything about how a flower grows in order to marvel at its aliveness. In fact, its exquisiteness speaks for it and tells us things we could never get from facts.

What we really want is confirmation…and to be gently led and reminded how to return to our own heart’s wisdom. For it is infinite.

The most beautiful things that happen in my life, and the most painful, I sometimes don’t even ask for guidance about. I just let them unfold. I know I will find out as I go along…and I love that achy, excruciating and yet unbelievably-alive process. Don’t get me wrong. I go for guidance on most things…and even when it isn’t about future outcomes, it is always like a ray of light on a dark corner. It is always like sun on my face. It is one of the most beautiful gifts the universe has given me, and all of us.

I just don’t want a map for absolutely everything. Sometimes I think there is nothing better than just heading right into the jungle, with all its dangers and revelations….or a city I have never been to…just to wander without a plan. Just to see what life might put in front of you that you could never have expected. Any other promise is just a ticket to a show that may never happen. Because you are the star. And you get to decide what show you would like to play. Nobody else can tell you that. They can help you remember who you are, but not who you will certainly become.

Because you are becoming. Any image of you is just a freeze-frame of a moving work of art. And if you could see the whole future life would lose some of its very most lovely qualities…spontaneity, creativity, serendipity, synchronicity, surprise, and wilderness….and blindness. Blindness? Oh yes. What would we know about feeling, if we didn’t have to reach out our hands and feel around in the dark when we can’t see? What would we know of the texture of our very own soul? When I was in Tibet and in a very bad way, I wrote in my journal that I didn’t think one could be a true Oracle unless they had trusted in blindness. Trusted not just what they had foreseen and been foretold, but also what they hadn’t seen or been told. Trusting all.

Can we love without knowing? And then love some more?

I am celebrating having done over a thousand readings in this lifetime, and adding that to an ageless past…this just another ring on a very ancient tree. I have seen that it isn’t what you learn about your life in a reading…it is what you learn about your heart that most matters. You may learn about your heart by asking about your life…for your life leads you always back to your heart. No question is too small…it is that it means something to you, and what it means that makes it powerful. Recently, communicating with the Sibyls for my upcoming workshop, they said, “the answer is in the question.” Always.

We know. We know just what we need and how to open to it. We just need to be reminded sometimes, when the pain of living gets to be too much. The heart just needs a place to feel loved and safe enough to let go, to unburden, so it can feel itself again.

We are Oracles to one another all the time when we just stand still and hear someone speak to themselves, and we are Oracles to ourselves when we give ourselves permission to be held. It is all so much more than telling a fortune…it is finding one.

May you be so held, and guided so purely…

With love in my heart,
Jennifer

Thursday, February 21st, 2008

Last night, as I watched the eclipse bathe the moon in her orange glow I said to her, “Thank you. Thank you for making me change, even when I didn’t want to. Thank you for slowly peeling away every shred of security I had, and making me find out how to live on new terms. Thank you for taking what I thought of my destiny, and scattering it to the winds to create a completely new design, that I had never dreamed. Thank you for making me question the last things I thought I didn’t have to. Thank you for truly making me naked again, and showing me what I still feared. Thank you for opening me up so wide that I can’t ever close down in any of the same ways again.”

And absolute relief washed over me. I felt like I made it…like we all made it. And when the moon returned in her full white glow, I had never seen her look so new. So fresh…so alive. The February moon has been known as the “Chaste Moon” or moon of Purity and Purification. I could feel how these energies engaged during the eclipse. And entering into the new after being dredged through watching the crumbling of the old again, was a luminous experience.

Many people think that I somehow don’t go through growth experiences anymore, or have any material that comes up to be worked on. I always have a giggle over that. It is, in fact, my edge of growth and expansion that makes me so able to be of assistance to others. I have found this to be true of the stories of most deities and guides as well. It was their human journey and struggle that set them so incredibly free, and has made them such an invaluable resource to so many. I think my human experience is always giving me new frontiers to explore and find creative and powerful energy within. It is a place we are both bound and free to discover, and I prefer to feel free about it whenever I can.

Reflecting back on the energies that have come up in the last few weeks for me, from the vantage point of being in the post-eclipse energies, I am humbled. Situations have already come up since then that have revealed even more to me about tiny places I have been storing emotional energy needlessly…or harboring subtle fear. It is as if I am seeing all of them all at once…so now I can do something about them. I know I can do better, and will feel that much freer now that I am able to.

Because I want to be free…as free as I can be right here on this earth. I want to truly live a life in which I fear nothing. Nothing. I don’t want to let absolutely anything bother me that I don’t need to be putting any energy into at all. I want to not hold energy around things in the past which can then trigger me and be carried into my future needlessly. None of it…none of it…matters that much to me. It certainly doesn’t matter more to me than my freedom, my peace, and my joy. Because this is the new earth…and we can start living on it whenever we are ready to leave the old one behind. I don’t want to live by the credo of an old world within me in which I ever made myself smaller out of fear of any kind.

So I thanked the eclipsing moon because I knew there was power in the painful material that had been coming up for me…the inhibiting and stifling emotions and fear of loss. And that power was the real gift. Because as soon as I saw through the illusions being presented, their energy was freed to become potent life-force that I can now place anywhere I wish in my life, in my body, in my heart. That power gave me wings, more than I had ever had before. As it always, ultimately does for us all. We are all only bound as tightly as we will finally be freed.

I thought about the people around me and how I choose to receive their energies at all times. I can either be indoctrinated or liberated in each moment. I can chose to adhere to any energies that are not my own, or resist them, or finally find that liberation to do neither. To not lean too far in, nor resist. Just to be exactly where I am. To be proud of where I am, even in the midst of what seems so very muddy, because it is…in essence always…taking me somewhere more beautiful than I have been before. It is perfect. It just takes patience and trust as we are led there along paths we are afraid are taking us nowhere. We are never going nowhere. There is always something else further down the road waiting for us, and a reason we had to take that path, including all the detours, to get there.

I am still pretty green right now, with the new energies beginning…but I wouldn’t change it a bit. I like being green. It is full of potential and innocence and lacks self-protection. I don’t want to protect myself anymore, because I don’t want to believe that I need to. Self-protection is built in. There is no need to overdo it. So I am green…and excited. Still slightly nervous, but not in a bad way. Just alive. And feeling. And open. Something good is coming.

May the same be true for you in this new dawn…

In Great Love,
Jennifer

Friday, February 8th, 2008

Weren’t we just here? Overwhelmed by waves of intensity strong enough to drag us down into the undercurrents of the primordial ocean…

Wasn’t it just yesterday that we were watching a full white moon turn red in a sea of stars? I know, I know. For many of us it is always this intense, but if you have been seriously questioning your sanity lately, ready to sob one moment over nothing at all, and laugh harder than ever the next…if you are lonely, even in good company, and then swing to spaces where you would never feel alone even when totally isolated…if you are finding yourself more and more while everything you thought you knew about yourself is falling away…then welcome to the heart of the eclipse energies that are pouring in as I write these words.

I am often catching onto things late, ironic for a prophetess I know, and it was the eve of the recent solar eclipse (the evening of February 6th, pacific time) before the energies had reached such a feverish pitch that I had to figure out what was going on and found out about the eclipses. Now, we sit, once again, between eclipses, in wait, change and preparation for the full lunar eclipse that will fall on the evening of February 20th.

Each set of eclipses, like many other astrological and natural occurrences, brings its own energies of change, and they are always catalysts and catharticly so…they invite in new energies of change often so profound that they overwhelm our systems, which in these times have usually just began to adjust to the last burst. They press us to split at the seams and reconsider our limits and understandings. Sometimes they just completely break us, or blow us apart, in a way we never thought we could handle, or would be able to recover from. And yet we do.

Like Osiris, pieced back together by Isis, we find our disparate parts and create new life from the remains. We give birth to the inner Horus of our spiritual royalty and transcendence. Oh, but aren’t we tired of breaking, falling apart, being re-created! And the feeling of unraveling into ether as our foundations crumble, again and again and again. Finally, we begin to build on nothing but light. This is where we are headed. And we will be broken over and over until there is nothing left that is breakable.

What this crushing force eventually leads us to is the unbroken song inside…the diamonds only revealed from the coal by pressure. Yes, it aches. It makes the mind wild and the body hurt. It also unleashes moments of freedom and ecstasy, ultimately, that are outside of what we may have ever known we could feel in human form. We are eclipsing ourselves, at the soul level…and we may be afraid that we won’t even recognize ourselves on the other side. But we will…just barely and yet completely. We will know ourselves as more beautiful and free than we have ever imagined. And we will get there on a sometimes-exquisite, sometimes-brutal surf.

If you can catch just a glimpse…a tiny glimpse of the brilliant stained-glass light that is waiting right under the pounding of our hearts…it will somehow feel worth it. Worth it to get up each morning and face ourselves in the many mirrors…to do the grocery shopping and the small talk and the billions of moments we go through the motions with a broken heart, holding on for the sweetness again. The sweetness that eludes us too often, or is followed by a bitter taste.

I can only tell you that if you ride the waves enough, rather than avoiding them or holding them at bay…you will become stronger, not weaker. You will begin to ride them so well that eventually even the tsunamis don’t scare you. And that, my friends, is a very big deal…to not be afraid of a wall of water that could consume you like an ant. But you can only be that fearless if you have nothing to lose. And you can only have nothing to lose if you have lost everything that can be lost…and found yourself, and everything that can never be lost, on the other side.

Yes, all this brought forward by the rotation and orbits of the planets. Yes, it is inherent in everything. And it will only keep coming. But the universe wouldn’t dish it out if it didn’t know we have all the tools to handle it. After all, we are the universe. We know what we are doing. Just hold on to the boat when you have to, and don’t be ashamed of the moments that you have to hold on…it is just what is required sometimes to make it through. And then, when you get the impulse and you know the time is right…just let go.

Do the things you love, that inspire hope and joy in your heart and body. They will get you through the long nights that stretch even into the days sometimes. Give yourself all the understanding you can…and begin to dream about what you are becoming, as all that you once were dissolves away…

With Great Love,
Jennifer

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