Through the Eye of the Needle
Saturday, August 18th, 2007

Can’t sleep? Too sleepy all the time? Dizzy, ill, or anxious? Irritable or numb? Stuck in old thoughts of the past? Too sensitive to others? Feeling negative? Food not digesting well? Frustrated, forgetful, stuck, drowsy? Emotional, having headaches, achy?

Yes, these are feelings many of us have frequently, but if you are having almost all of them at once I think I can offer some comfort today. You are not alone. In fact, we are entering into one of the most intense passages of preparation for the great change and new world coming. There are two upcoming eclipses in the next few weeks, and Mars will be at its closest point to earth soon as well. The heavens are reflecting and supporting the wish for change, as has long been destined. Just as it reflects a global change, it is as radical a shift in our own personal, individual lives as well.

As far back as there is any record eclipses have been omens of transformation and signs of upcoming change. In essence they were thought to actually create a new world with their passage. These next few weeks will be the most potent of this year for many of us, and we are likely to feel like quite different people on the other side.

You see, we are about to get what we have been praying for, and like I reflected upon in my last entry here, when new worlds come into being the old empires must first fall. Yes, this refers to larger systems, but it also refers to the “empires” within each of us. The old worlds, dreams, loves, projects, thoughts, relationships, and onward that won’t be a part of the new dream. The things that are holding us back from having what we are asking for. This is one of the reasons that ancient wisdom sometimes warns us of the perils of getting exactly what we ask for. It is not that we are not meant to enjoy and receive what we desire, but that it is the path of a brave soul to do so….a Soul who is willing to surrender. Sometimes we have to let go completely of the path we have built for ourselves if we are going to be shown another way.

We are about to be shown that other way.

But we have to let go. And letting go of so much at once can almost drive a person crazy. It is why Neo threw up when he learned the truth of the Matrix (in the movie by that title). It was too overwhelming. This is why some of us are feeling sick or a little less than sane right now, to put it mildly. The old world within us is dying to make way for the new. I know this happens on an absolutely constant basis, it just happens to be occurring on a colossal level right now.

However while our identities are being ripped apart, we are being asked to take the opportunity to remember who we really are underneath them, and to fashion a new sense of identity from that core of our being. We are being asked what is really true to our nature, and what we have been doing in our lives that is against it. We may not even be aware of it…like a strange smell we pick up when we first walk into a place, we get used to it and soon we can’t smell it at all. This is why painfully intense energies like these eclipses, the recent solar flares, and electromagnetic waves and shifts have come along. To knock us off our horses. Not to bring us down, but to make us clear on who we are, what we want in our lives, and what we don’t. What supports us, and what drains us. What gives us our freedom, and what puts us in chains. It is so that when we get back up on the horse we are sure to pick the one we really want to ride, and to do so from a truly empowered place, with mind and heart present.

Whatever you have been praying for is coming, and that is what you are readying for. Hang in there, because some days it is going to be a very rocky, bumpy ride. If you can just make it through each day right now, it will feel easier. Perhaps you could stop trying to perfect yourself and just accept that you are in the perfect place exactly where you are. There is nothing you need to do better, fix, or complete. Just be. Just dress up when you feel crappy (or crazy!) or go see a movie, or walk in the woods. Just pass the time in the most gentle way you can, because your higher Self and guides are already working with you and the energies, which is why you feel the way you do.

Here is a guide to some upcoming events…the planet Mars is moving closer to us right now and will play an important role in the energies of these eclipses. This energetic represents bringing action into the attainment of our dreams, and the bringing forward of our gifts and essence in the world. It means that soon there will be opportunities to express and make physical that which we have directed our will toward. It also represents life force being available toward those endeavors. It helps brings the means to the ends. This is also, along with the red-orange color of the moon during a full eclipse, a representation of the “red moon” I referred to in my “Sibylline Prophecy” as a sign of the coming of the new world.

On Tuesday, August 28th at around 3:30am Pacific time, there will be a total eclipse of the moon…visible in this country and several others. This will be the coming to a head of the inner shifts we have been waiting for. This is when everything inside us will “implode” and begin to settle into new form during the “eclipse window.” The eclipse window refers to the time period between two eclipses, and energies will still be very high and very intense during this time, while the inner self attempts to decide where to put new roots or what new form to settle into. This is a powerful time for intention. This will be the time of passing through the “eye of the needle.” It is like the time a caterpillar spends the caccoon before coming out a butterfly. And the solar eclipse on September 11th will be that butterfly’s emergence. The solar eclipse will be when the inner changes take outer form and manifestation. Whether the first flight is awkward or graceful, things will become clearer again and your path and new direction will seem better illuminated. Something may seem more “settled” inside and great new movement forward may begin at that time or shortly after.

Going through the “eye of the needle” for the next couple weeks will mean that things will seem very condensed or compressed…like a pressure or force is at powerful work. Know that this is part of what makes possible the winnowing and selecting of what we are going to bring to the other side. Know that you may find yourself seduced by the past or the future, as the Buddha was visited by temptations just before he received enlightenment…that these images or promises from the future and past are going to tell you that it is in them your redemption will be found. It is easy to avoid them, by simply letting yourself be seduced by the present instead. This is the only moment you need to be in, and it will offer you the gifts you ask if you but let it have your attention and energy.

So just be where you are, and trust that it is perfect. Make it through each day, and be gentle with yourself as you do so. Diversions are okay, just don’t let them take your power, and your faith. Stick to the diversions that light up your moment with a golden, sparkling glow. Reflect, deeply, for these times will call for it…but don’t get lost in the past. Dream, hugely, but don’t postpone your beauty. Intend what you can in each moment that speaks of who you most hope and believe yourself to be. Feel crazy when you need to…just don’t lose faith. The storm, which sometimes is a welcome shower and some a fearsome wail, will pass. In some way this storm has lasted longer than we have history books to note it, and the true end of that storm will be an awesome sight to behold. It must come. It has already been written.

May your days be filled with sweet moments of total relief and occasional torrents of joy, always moving toward a life full of both.

Love,
Jennifer

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Tuesday, August 7th, 2007

I have often wondered why I can only seem to sing melancholy songs…why, when I play music, I can’t seem to leave aside the blues. I have discovered that I am a ballad singer, or that that is the polite way to say it. There is a nostalgia in my soul that never leaves me…a calling of the ocean inside of me that makes everything else bittersweet. It comes out when I sing, and when I write.

I don’t see it as something to overcome. In fact, it overcomes me instead quite frequently, and gives even my greatest joy an amber hue. But you see I love amber, and I wouldn’t want to live without the pull of the ocean inside me.

You may laugh, but clearing off an old computer to give away stirred a whole movement in my soul. It seemed like a simple task…just to save and move old files, photos, videos…emails, poems…

But there I was in front of the glowing screen, watching old images of myself looking back at me. Wearing an old warm coat in the winter, squinting against blazing sunlight in the summer…standing beside the blossoms of spring and in the halloween costumes of fall…birthdays, old friends, the words I wrote about it all. Pajamas and party dresses…our old house and this new one full of boxes when we moved in. Asia, Egypt…laid out like a palate of love and aching all over me. My love, my hope, and everything born of it for those years.

But in the meantime that big desktop has sat, untouched, for months in the corner. I have been camped out in the kitchen, refugee from old spaces and inventor of new ones. Still, one day, I knew it wasn’t big enough anymore for me and my laptop. I have a second book to finish and I knew it wasn’t going to happen in the kitchen, like as I would for it to have.

I had to deconstruct everything I had built my dreams on in order to make room for new ones…to reclaim my plain desk and a space by the window. A clean slate. We think it comes out of nowhere, but sometimes it has to be built right on top of the entire world that came before it. And first, the old empires have to fall.

I don’t know if it is ever easy to watch an empire fall…at least not the kind we built with our love and our sweat and our most intense prayers. But I do know we outgrow these empires, and if we leave them to become overgrown they only haunt us until we revisit them. At some point only pulling them apart allows us to return them to the source of their brilliant creation…that first glimmer within us that inspired us to build them in the first place.

They never really die, but we can only give them new life if we are willing to let them be leveled sometimes. They started with dirt, and blood. Only we can make them new again.

It is that glimmer we are afraid we will lose…that original quake from the bottom of our sea. It will never go anywhere, and it will never let us settle for less than everything we could be. It doesn’t lose sight, or forget its amazing design. It exists only in the passion it was born of, and it holds its place in us forever. It wakes us up at night, asking for more, every time we get stuck on the way to unfolding our ultimate beauty.

If you are watching an old world die, there is little I can say to console you, but just in case it does…there are more empires of your heart to come…and they are far more beautiful than any you have known. They hold the things you are afraid you will never have, or never have again, and though they ask of you everything you are, they are your most divine will manifest.

We can’t not become more of what we are. Even the loops off the track progress us further on that same path. Ultimately our kingdom is waiting for us, much closer than we think, though sometimes just far enough away to miss. That missing is holy. It will call you home better than anything else. Trust what you long for, and never give up, even when empires fall.

From a friend on the journey, with love,
Jennifer