Thursday, February 21st, 2008
Last night, as I watched the eclipse bathe the moon in her orange glow I said to her, “Thank you. Thank you for making me change, even when I didn’t want to. Thank you for slowly peeling away every shred of security I had, and making me find out how to live on new terms. Thank you for taking what I thought of my destiny, and scattering it to the winds to create a completely new design, that I had never dreamed. Thank you for making me question the last things I thought I didn’t have to. Thank you for truly making me naked again, and showing me what I still feared. Thank you for opening me up so wide that I can’t ever close down in any of the same ways again.”
And absolute relief washed over me. I felt like I made it…like we all made it. And when the moon returned in her full white glow, I had never seen her look so new. So fresh…so alive. The February moon has been known as the “Chaste Moon” or moon of Purity and Purification. I could feel how these energies engaged during the eclipse. And entering into the new after being dredged through watching the crumbling of the old again, was a luminous experience.
Many people think that I somehow don’t go through growth experiences anymore, or have any material that comes up to be worked on. I always have a giggle over that. It is, in fact, my edge of growth and expansion that makes me so able to be of assistance to others. I have found this to be true of the stories of most deities and guides as well. It was their human journey and struggle that set them so incredibly free, and has made them such an invaluable resource to so many. I think my human experience is always giving me new frontiers to explore and find creative and powerful energy within. It is a place we are both bound and free to discover, and I prefer to feel free about it whenever I can.
Reflecting back on the energies that have come up in the last few weeks for me, from the vantage point of being in the post-eclipse energies, I am humbled. Situations have already come up since then that have revealed even more to me about tiny places I have been storing emotional energy needlessly…or harboring subtle fear. It is as if I am seeing all of them all at once…so now I can do something about them. I know I can do better, and will feel that much freer now that I am able to.
Because I want to be free…as free as I can be right here on this earth. I want to truly live a life in which I fear nothing. Nothing. I don’t want to let absolutely anything bother me that I don’t need to be putting any energy into at all. I want to not hold energy around things in the past which can then trigger me and be carried into my future needlessly. None of it…none of it…matters that much to me. It certainly doesn’t matter more to me than my freedom, my peace, and my joy. Because this is the new earth…and we can start living on it whenever we are ready to leave the old one behind. I don’t want to live by the credo of an old world within me in which I ever made myself smaller out of fear of any kind.
So I thanked the eclipsing moon because I knew there was power in the painful material that had been coming up for me…the inhibiting and stifling emotions and fear of loss. And that power was the real gift. Because as soon as I saw through the illusions being presented, their energy was freed to become potent life-force that I can now place anywhere I wish in my life, in my body, in my heart. That power gave me wings, more than I had ever had before. As it always, ultimately does for us all. We are all only bound as tightly as we will finally be freed.
I thought about the people around me and how I choose to receive their energies at all times. I can either be indoctrinated or liberated in each moment. I can chose to adhere to any energies that are not my own, or resist them, or finally find that liberation to do neither. To not lean too far in, nor resist. Just to be exactly where I am. To be proud of where I am, even in the midst of what seems so very muddy, because it is…in essence always…taking me somewhere more beautiful than I have been before. It is perfect. It just takes patience and trust as we are led there along paths we are afraid are taking us nowhere. We are never going nowhere. There is always something else further down the road waiting for us, and a reason we had to take that path, including all the detours, to get there.
I am still pretty green right now, with the new energies beginning…but I wouldn’t change it a bit. I like being green. It is full of potential and innocence and lacks self-protection. I don’t want to protect myself anymore, because I don’t want to believe that I need to. Self-protection is built in. There is no need to overdo it. So I am green…and excited. Still slightly nervous, but not in a bad way. Just alive. And feeling. And open. Something good is coming.
May the same be true for you in this new dawn…
In Great Love,
Jennifer
