Thursday, August 2nd, 2007
Where I am sitting the wind is speaking to me. I am not deciphering it…I am just letting it tell me beautiful things I don’t understand. I don’t need to comprehend beauty, but I do need its nourishment. You see beauty has been demoted to a pleasing physical appearance, but it is so much more. It is the bread, the water, and the wine of the Soul, and each of us decides what is beautiful to us.
When we claim our own interpretation of beauty, we begin to recognize that very beauty within us, and rather than being something we reach out to possess, it becomes something eternal inside. Something that can never be taken away…a tiny piece of heaven we can walk around with, rubbing its texture secretly in our pockets. We must have these secret beauties or the Soul begins to leave us. You see it only comes to this party for those moments…those moments it can fall in love.
We think love is elusive, and found only in our sexual partner or intimate relationships, but love is the nectar that hides in the places we dare to dream, and to look for it. It hides under the petal of a flower in its brilliant hue. It hides in the words the wind is whispering to me right now. It waits in the dark places we think we will never find it, and in the tender moments we most expect it to at times. It holds us captive in a fragrance or a movement, or the grip of deep pleasure. It finds us when we are doing nothing, and suddenly feel the sun on our skin. It creeps out of poetry and art, and out of us by their means.
And only we know what touches us, and no one can tell us it is right or wrong without our consent. Only we know how to give it to ourselves, and how to hold it back. Ani Difranco sings, “You rhapsodize about beauty…and my eyes glaze. Everything I love is ugly. I mean really, you’d be amazed.” What is uniquely beautiful in your heart belongs only to you. If you lock it away in a box somewhere it will only haunt you until you reclaim it.
Only we know what is ugly for us as well. What pours soot on your brightest wish doesn’t always have to be over-examined. You probably know exactly what puts out your light in this world, and just how it happens every time. It simply may be hard to acknowledge it, or to find what you need to replace it.
If we could only be simple again, in the most richly fascinating way. If I could so relate myself to that sunlit leaf I am watching, and nothing else, then all that is false would fall away…because I would no longer be holding it…resonating with it. What is so important that I would carry its heaviness against the wish of my naturally ecstatic heart? Nothing…really.
So I think I am going to lay down in the grass now, and let the wind keep telling me things I don’t need to understand, and relate to the leaves in the sun who shimmy in the breezes, because they can. And I can too.
In Love and Beauty,
Jennifer
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