Saturday, May 16th, 2009
I do admit that I am, for the most part, a social butterfly. I love people. I love talking to people, and listening to everything they have to say. I love watching people, from cafes while I drink my coffee and write. I love to engage with people, making peace with the constant risk it is to reach out, or to be vulnerable, or to try in vain to make a connection…no matter how many people are in the room. It is worth that risk for me.
But I must also admit that spring fever has me. Its got me wrapped around its little finger and I have found it is absolutely useless to resist. And oh how she is inconsistent that goddess of spring who has her spell on me. She rains and shines, and rains and shines…like me. She makes a jumbled mess of me, and I have to believe it is a beautiful mess since I have so embraced its tide.
So sometimes I find myself running around like the blood rushing through my veins, and like everyone else I watch freneticly expressing the start of new life everywhere around and within them. And then I fall, and my social graces fail, and I belong only in the garden, or behind comforting walls. Winter isn’t quite done with me yet. I belong only with what is animal, and human seems too foreign and I have somehow forgotten the language that works in that world. I open my mouth and those who know me expect my usual babbling-brook expression, but nothing comes out. Only a few petals fall, quietly, from my lips.
I always know when the inner world is calling. It always calls, but sometimes it is so rich and so in need of my presence to start new and to thrive, that I must be compelled completely to its pages…to sit with its words, and then to forget them in the blank spaces where they are open to the sky…that I must be compelled to its forests, glowing with enchanted vines and mosses…full of secrets whispered only if I get very, very quiet.
Madness is a part of beauty and brilliance. I think the quiet and the madness are found in the very same place, and both speak of the same things…they just take one another to decipher the meanings….the shelter and the pounding rain against your skin…the shell and the aching emergence to explore beyond it…the cave and the open rock beneath the blazing sun…
Now is the time to keep both near…the opportunities to shine and the places to restore your light. Things will come this summer that absolutely blow your mind and heart wide open…things you never even imagined could occur for you in this life, and it is important to care lovingly for, and yet not to stifle, the beautifully exposed sprout that is growing in your glorious heart right now. Just keep opening, and closing, at your own beautiful rhythm, and trust it…like a flower, or a jellyfish, a bird flying, or a sea anemone…you are becoming, with every breath.
Just keep breathing, and love your own beautiful movement. When the fruits finally come, you will never have tasted anything like them…they will bring tears of joy to your Soul.
Love, Jennifer
