Monday, May 12th, 2008
On a long night with friends recently I was talking to the Buddha during a quiet moment. I had been sort-of complaining about how most people think that enlightenment is a far-off goal that you obtain when you reach “perfection,” having left all of your “flaws” behind. Buddha came to confirm that enlightenment was more like a line he crossed into bliss, and wavered in and barely out of for the rest of his human life.
Most of us who are spiritually-directed have already had many moments of enlightenment, and really it is more about making more and more of them occur, rather than seeing Nirvana as a destination. If nirvana was something we were meant to arrive and permanently “hang” in then we probably wouldn’t be in a body. The idea is to be able to walk in both worlds, and easily between them. It’s about keeping bliss close, so it is easier to get to. And it is about honoring the other feelings that come in the meantime. Then they don’t feel so separate and different.
After all, I said, after Buddha reached his enlightenment under the Bodhi tree, at some point, unless he left the body…he had to pee. And when he peed (pardon what may seem crass…though I don’t find urination crass myself) he was both enlightened and doing something very much in his body.
I already know I am everything. The realization and even the feeling of it is very real in my consciousness and I experience it constantly. What next?…I was asking. Okay…realizing enlightenment is a place we visit and detour from (and that accepting that might make us feel even more enlightened)…means we realize we are truly already there. So what next? We are still in a body…loving, hating, crying, aching, laughing, feeling like a fool, stumbling, dancing, losing, succeeding, doubting, failing, trying…blissing.
Lately my beings have been asking something difficult of me. They have stopped giving me information on how to be fearless, or be in my power…they have come up with something much more intense. Just enjoy. Enjoy anything and everything you can. Make enjoyment the priority. And when things are hard and you just can’t possibly enjoy it…don’t. Get through those times and be open to the next time you can enjoy.
Find things you love and do them over and over again until you wear the hell out of them, or forever if they just get better and better. If you have free time do the thing that would feel the absolute best. You have reached, they said, a very high level of truth. It is about feeling good, as much of the time as you can, and being as okay about it as possible when you don’t. Don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t judge yourself. Don’t think you are “wrong” or “off the path.” Just be with it. And then do something that makes you feel good again. And work it. And love it. And give yourself more gifts than you thought you ever could. Be prolific and abundant in your heart the way nature is.
And if you don’t have anybody to love get a dog. And if you don’t have any money write songs. And if you can’t sing write poetry. And if you don’t have any free time play hooky on one thing one time a week no matter what. And if you can’t have a massage have a really nice long bath with music and salts. First find a way to feel again, and then find a way…small as it may be…to feel good again.
The thing about feeling good is that if you build up enough momentum it starts to grow on its own…it starts to get magnetic and insanely contagious. You see, its hard enough to be a mystic in this world. It can drive you absolutely mad. It can bring you down to your knees and then even lower than you thought you could ever go. It can make you feel so sensitive that you think you have lost all control and all mastery. This is what it takes to become great…to become real…to become what you really are.
To say the landing at home, after two-and-a-half weeks in Egypt in Greece was bumpy is a bit of an understatement, and at the same time it has been sublime. Isn’t that just the way it is most of the time? I live in a gentle paradise. I think it is the only way to handle the inner expeditions that are constant in the life of an Oracle…the life of a passionate, sensitive creature who doesn’t shut down to feeling…and wouldn’t trade it for anything.
The day after I got home I stood on my porch in the sun with bare feet and breathed deep. I smelled kelp. It was endless. It was rich, like the depths of beauty and creation. It filled me up. It told me I was home. In trying to keep with the idea that I am now here to enjoy, I take even more careful note than ever before of what sustains me, fills me, gives me joy, makes me feel good, saves my soul. Like having bare feet, sitting in the sun, planting flowers, staying up all night laughing with kindred spirits, finding a song I love enough to make me feel like I want to levitate and everything really does happen exactly as it should. Dancing. Dressing up and the new sandals I bought. Coffee. Sitting here in this cafe. The fact that the lilacs are coming out. The promise of summer. A good hug. Doing things that scare me. Making new friends. Even losing some in good faith that life is showing me which way to go.
There is so much more. It just gets more and more simple. This is how we will make the new world. Yes, with coffee, and kelp.
Love you all, Jennifer
(this is a picture of Sebastian and I and our friends at the temple I wrote about in the previous post.)
