by Jennifer on January 23, 2008

lilithWednesday, January 23rd, 2008

I have heard my heart tell me before that every single action, every thought, every impulse word or feeling….is rooted more either in love or in fear. Though a situation or circumstance may incline us toward coming from one or the other, we always have a choice. We can always stop and ask ourselves, in any moment, which we are being led by. Fear is a powerful leader, but it is never stronger than love when love is chosen. We are bred and cultured to give ourselves to fear, almost out of self-defense, ironically. Like keeping an enemy close. We are told this is smart, and tough. We epitomize being tough…all the way until it breaks us down, and brings us to our knees. And then we learn about real strength…every time.

What do we really fear? Most people who fear real poverty and hunger will never experience it. And death is only the dissolving into something exquisitely grand. Most of what we fear truly we already have known…loneliness, emptiness….oblivion. It is like we hold onto the fear in hopes that it will provide an antidote somehow if we are ever bitten again…that we will build up an immunity. But all we are doing is keeping the poison alive inside of us. The poison that numbs our hearts, and holds us just a hair’s breadth away from the things we truly yearn for.

We shut down risk, and vulnerability. We seal off the exits and channel down the rivers, into swallowable trickles of the very life-force we are dying for. Passion hurts. Aches. Illuminates everything.

When I wandered down the temple hall that would change my life, I had no idea I was about to meet old friends who had no form. I didn’t know that the voices I somehow knew would begin to speak to me, in that inner sanctuary that waited for me at the end. And the first question they asked has haunted and held me ever since…”is there any room for fear in complete trust?”

No. There just never is.

Every time I am afraid, or even just anxious, I ask myself this. The idea of complete trust floods over me like a healing balm. It is always there. All of the sudden everything comes into perspective, and I know, without a doubt, that everything is happening exactly as it should…and the rest…the rest I let go of…because all of the sudden my hands are open, and I’m not holding on anymore.

I want to live as this open hand. I want life to move through and around me the way a waterfall rolls over your skin when you reach inside it. Nowhere to go…just sensation. Like a flower…beautiful without anything to prove, or hide from.

In the recent Oracle Transmission, the Egyptian God Thoth asked how life might look if we had absolute trust…if we knew, without any doubt, that everything would happen exactly as it should, no matter what. It’s almost as if just the thought brings on this deep and total exhale, body and soul. Suddenly we can stop trying to hold everything together, and pave our paths with such effort and strain. Suddenly there is nothing else to do…but let go, but relax…but free-fall. Suddenly, without much effort…we are fearless.

When we are fearless there is nothing left to resist. We can surrender completely. For once, and every time, it feels like everything…everything…is really going to be alright. And then there isn’t anything to figure out…we just know.

May what you know be like the strongest currents in the ocean that absorb everything else, and may that tide carry you into an almost-unbearable sweetness that begs you, until you submit, to let go and trust…fearlessly.


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