Thursday, November 25th, 2010
I was in my favorite bookstore, sitting crossed-legged on the floor with a book open on my lap when she approached. I suddenly looked up and there she was, saying something softly like “Excuse me,” or, “I’m sorry…” and wanting to get around me to the children’s section. I moved aside right away and apologized for being in her way, and she went by. Maybe she said thank you or smiled. Nothing else happened, to the outside eye. You could have filmed it, looking for clues, and played it back over and over again without perhaps ever seeing what I did. But what I saw was so vivid and so real, that it touched my very soul.
For when that little girl looked at me, she looked with her whole being. When she spoke, such simple words, she spoke with all of herself. She was not guarded or holding back in any way. She radiated all of her being in every step, and gesture, and moment. She radiated so much that with my inner eyes I could see her glowing brighter than any sun. In her blue eyes, in the brief moment they looked at mine, I could see that she had no fear. She was at peace with her self in such a deep way, guileless, trusting in something beyond any promises or words. I felt blessed just to encounter her, to meet someone, a stranger, who still shone all of their light without any hiding.
But I am not really here to talk about her…I’m here to talk about you. For you are that little girl, and you just (probably) don’t know it.
Sometimes I don’t like the word pure, because rather like the word spiritual, it seems to infer that there is something that isn’t. And while I know that there are things that we may choose to label as unpure or untrue to our souls that we wish to release or transform, I believe we also too often believe many things to be unpure when they are not. As we accrue experiences in this life we begin to harden ourselves against it, and to see ourselves as less pure as a result of having been a part of these difficulties. We may wonder if it is our fault that we have known pain, and feel tremendous guilt for the times we have caused pain or believe that we have. We learn how to be what is expected of us. We learn how to be “good” instead of real, and when we fail even at that, often deciding we are not “good” enough anyway, we sink deeper into a hole.
But we have simply forgotten that we are a blazing light, forever and always…a blazing light of the purest love. And no matter what happens, we will eternally be that. We are meant to have certain experiences on this earth, as part of our soul plan. It is for ultimate and true good, rather than the surface or socially-acceptable good, and it knows how to get us to that true good for the soul, and for all that is. If we could just trust that plan and know that everything in it as just as it should be…if we could just forgive ourselves for such self-blame, for the shame and regrets we have carried. When we do something that feels truly wrong to us, it is natural to make amends. To reflect on it and grow as a result of it. But we forget to let it go then, not to presume it is a negative aspect of ourselves forever that we must bear like a heavy burden. The only reason most of our inner lights aren’t as visible is because we are bent beneath those burdens we have carried that keep us from truly knowing ourselves.
What if you had no negative images of yourself? Not even one? What if you only saw yourself as the purest, blazing light of love? What if you knew that no one could truly take that from you or put that out, and therefore you had nothing at stake in letting it shine? What if you left behind all the training about who you needed to be to be “good”…to be loved? What if you saw yourself as the purest angel, put on this earth to radiate love and beauty just by being yourself. Not by always making it look a certain way, but by being real…by being angry when you are angry, and sad when you are sad…by shining with the truth of who you are and trusting it? What if you could know that it is okay to be love and be frustrated…that it is okay to be love and have been hurt…that everything about you and your life and your journey is okay…is blessed?
You are that little girl, regardless of your age or gender. You are that pure shining light, and you deserve all the beauty and happiness of knowing it. On this day of thanks, and as we move toward a solstice and a new year, I want to say: trust that light. Trust your beautiful, blazing heart. You are love and nothing changes that. You are ancient and infinite, and of all the stars in the heavens, and all the suns in the universe, the most pure…
Love, Jennifer
