Sunday, December 9th, 2012
I know it hurts. You have stretched beyond what you thought you could…your skin is paper thin, and your bones ache from the pressure it has taken to grow beyond your original design. You have become something more than you ever knew you could…even at the birth of your soul such a very ancient time ago…just a moment ago and a time before time…a soul’s dream ago and a reckoning away, yet.
For we won’t know the beauty of the changes we have made until the storm passes, and right now though we have felt it’s early rumblings and wild flurries, we are just seeing the heart of it looming on the horizon of our being, and of the world. We’ve already been destroyed. This isn’t our first storm. Not even close to it. We’ve already been torn apart, and sometimes may feel too tired to even find the pieces of who we were…it has been exhausting us and we are finally giving up. Only in this act are we now finding that we don’t even need the pieces anymore. We just need a thin breath, a heartbeat, and now…
We are in the midst of the greatest transformational time on our planet…the birth of the new world…and we have undergone so many labor pains already to get to this point that we can’t even push anymore. We are wondering what’s wrong with us, judging ourselves harshly for not trying harder, not being stronger, not having any more answers…giving up. When really that is just what we are meant to do now.
Oh, don’t worry…this kind of giving up doesn’t mean we have to let go of our dreams and hopes…though that may happen as we shed like fall trees all the last leaves of what is old and no longer needed when we walk forward, naked, into our bright new day. We may molt those dreams and desires that are not shiny enough to reflect the stars…to hold fire. Those need to go so we can make room for what is better that we haven’t even imagined yet, or dared ask for.
We know this inside…deep inside. But the voice from that place is muffled. It is buried under all the hopes we had last time the storm passed and we thought the clear skies would open up right then and welcome us into feeling fully at home in our lives and our bodies again. All the hopes we shoved down when that didn’t happen, or when that peace and joy only visited us for moments…teased us before being swallowed up by the next place of challenge and change. Some days are better than others…some days we aren’t sure this change is even leading us anywhere wonderful at all. We spin and our compasses are useless. But that is what storms are for. To throw us off balance and make us find new ways of moving inside…to push us to break through and let go. And we, who chose to live in this time, are some of the bravest of all. We are the surfers who saw a wall of a wave coming and said yes…I want that one. I want to ride that one. It might throw me down and break me a few times, but when I ride it, it will be the greatest feeling of them all. I will, finally, be totally free.
And after all…since you have been through it all already, what’s one more storm? You already know what to do. You know when it is time to climb down below decks on your boat and curl up in the blankets while the wild waves rock you, and you know when to stand at the prow of your boat and dare it to find you…because you know the fierce and wiry will you have found on the darkest nights. You know the place that can’t be shaken even when you don’t know yourself at all anymore, or you will soon. That is the beginning place. That is where we touch the throbbing heart of the universe, and start new.
But I know you may not feel that yet. You are still in the midst of the whipping winds and rising waters, rushing over everything left in your heart and washing things away faster than you can decide if you want to let them go. I know the stir is enough to make you crazy, though on the good days you can hardly feel it at all. But while you feel all of this, and wonder if it will ever be worth it all…if it will ever all be redeemed, I want to offer you a new picture of how beautiful you look right now…
You are like the woman in this picture. Chained to a rock wall while the ocean is rising and the winds have disrobed you completely. Your compromised position is the gift. It is the place that tells you there is nothing more to do…nothing more to try for. There is only one path left…surrender and trust. Let the ocean come. Find out what happens then. Leave it to the deeper wisdom of your soul…leave it to your own wise fate. You showed up…that’s all you needed to do. Now just let go…just surrender. And then, like the woman in the painting, your face will be lit with grace. And everything will be perfect just as it is. And only good can come. And you, like the birds in the background, will eventually fly free.
Just wait. It’s all happening perfectly, and you’ve done it just right. Just wake up each morning and face the day, putting one foot in front of the other…without answers, without a plan for how to make it all work…for how to make it all feel okay again. It isn’t time yet, but it all will come. Let the ocean have you…it will only give you back everything you’ve been missing…even the things you forgot you needed. You’re going to wake up one day soon and be able to breathe again…in a way you didn’t know you could. And you will notice that, in their own time, the skies opened up after all…
Love You, Jennifer
Fly free with Jennifer in her newly-released courses for 2013: The Oracle Course: The Essential Course in Intuition and Vision, and The Thriai Nymphs: Lessons from the Bee Priestesses, available all over the world.
