Heartstorm

by Jennifer on July 19, 2009

lion-before-storm-sizedSunday, July 19th, 2009

I write to you from the center point of three eclipses…from the center of a heartstorm.

We are souls of great courage.  We have been through all the fires heaven has ever known, and now we face the new ones that are being born at the time of greatest change on this planet.  And they are not all around us as they once were…they are, in their strongest form, within us.  For we have known many storms in our times, but it is in the heartstorms that we find our death and rebirth completed.  And every time, after we are broken, we wonder if we can ever be whole again…and then suddenly, when we have nearly lost hope….we are.  We are more whole than we ever thought we could be.

And then, often before we’ve even had time to enjoy our new beingness, the storm clouds gather again.  We try to pretend that they aren’t there at first…that it is just something we ate or the night of bad sleep we had.  But eventually the foreboding arrives…what if our newly-built castle falls like all the ones before it?  And before we know it the downpour has arrived and the rivers of mud are moving through everything before we can try to re-direct them away from what we want to protect.

And then the sweetest moment sometimes comes…long before the wholeness was scheduled to arrive again.  It is the moment we realize that all we clung to inside is gone…and that something deeper remains.  It is the moment we climb to the top of the castle walls and decide to watch the lightning strike over the grey terrain, water running down your face and body…and you know the lightning may strike the very building you are resting on…and you don’t care.  You are free.

This is one of those times.  One of those times that you start to become convinced that no one knows you after all, and you really are the alien on this planet that you once thought you were…that you were a fool to try to connect again with others…that you are more alone than ever before.  One of those times that the net that had caught you after your last hard fall, drunken on the loss of your sense of self, is suddenly unravelling and you can only watch it let you go.

I know your bones may be aching.  Your delicate skull wants to be cradled and your heart wants a place in the sun.  Remember the warmth and the comfort in whatever corner of your being you can, and then climb the castle wall and let it all go…something better is coming if you can trust through the wreckage of the last peices of your makeshift and transient security.  Something greater will take your hand…and you will be led somewhere you could never have gone if you had not left everything behind.  Everything but love.  Because even if love has been hiding its face, believe me…it is only allowing you to find yourself in the dark night…and to discover that even that dark night is a greater sea of love.

Don’t let the flame go out.  It is still needed, even if it has been turned from over and over again.  Do not be misled.  It is gold beyond value…immeasurable forever.  Keep it, even in silence when you must, and know you have the treasure of a thousand lifetimes…waiting…for the moment when the world is ready.  There will be love, and magic, and all that your soul awaits and yearns for.

And in the meantime, you can never lose love…so there is nothing to lose…take a front row seat, and let the lightning run right through you…

love. jennifer

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