I Still Remember

by Jennifer on July 17, 2007

oracle alchemyAn Oracle’s Retrospective

Monday, July 16th, 2007

During a massage today I drifted back into a memory I had as a child of a past life. High desert, and a city built into the summit of a mountain, of stone the same color as the sand. Everything was lit by a shade of yellow or orange, depending on the time of day. At sunset it was red.

I lived in the highest summit’s tower and was held as the sacred Oracle of my people. I was fed only the finest foods, bathed and pampered, and only visited at the times of my willing. I was given anything and everything to keep me in best health, so that I could be the “mouthpiece of the gods”. I was not to teach others. I was asked only to do that which I was born to, and have been born to, every time.

I journeyed then to a modest kitchen in a dirt-floor home. I was making medicines there for the people of my village, and trying to keep fed my six children. Many tried to help me, as I had healed their families and loved ones, but when the medicines I made were outlawed no one was allowed to speak to me, for threat of association. Three of my children died. I could not make the medicines because no one was allowed to grow the plants to make them. The next lifetime I would practice these arts it would cost me my life.

I have been placed in a position of leadership, and royalty. I have been put on the throne of Isis as Priestess-Queen…both served and led by beings of non-human form…and I have inhaled the dust from the boots of those who would walk by me as I begged on the streets. I have been killed for my words and my power, and I have been deified. I have been taken from my family at too young an age to be given to the temple, to be raised by priests and priestesses, never to know my parents’ love. I have been forced not to marry or find partnership in order to retain a dogmatic virginhood in the name of the people. I have been ostracized, I have been tortured.

I have hidden my writings beneath floorboards and under the earth. I have smuggled stones and implements of healing, sacred texts, and secret symbols beneath my dresses and robes and exercised any courage I could find to carry them across lands by night. I have hidden my face….the marks on my body…the symbols of the goddess. I have changed my name, my hair, my clothing. I have forced myself to blend in and learned when to speak, and when not to.

I have lived in the crack of a mountain for a thousand years. And I was happy. I lived there and roamed there until I could speak to the mountains like old friends. I have spent years in forests, just asking the animals what they knew…and learning.

I have been part human and part otherworldly. I have kept secrets when no one else remembered, and told them when no one else would. I have been slandered and humiliated in public. I have had my hair cut and my robes torn from me. And there were those in the crowd who laughed, and those in the crowd who cried.

I have been hidden against my will, underground, for long periods of time and fed from hands of people whose faces I could not see. I have sung to myself in the dark when I had not heard other voices for weeks. I have written the stories of the stars on the walls of the places that held me captive, and the places I loved, just the same.

I have been kidnapped and held to keep my voice from being heard and to bargain for my life. I have gone longer without food or water than I care to remember, until I thought I had been forgotten by all. But the beings never left me. There were so many. They, like me, cloaked themselves with whatever form suited those looking for help. For they are all so much older than form and shape.

I have been deferred to and revered…and overlooked, discredited, despised. I have been seen as naive and simple, and as arrogant and strange. I have been called an angel, and a witch. I have seen the moon from each side of the world, and I have left the only home I have ever known, over and over again.

I have watched my own temple crumble into the ocean in front of my eyes, as the ground shook another age into the fathomless past. I have known when the times of great changes were approaching, and I have watched them come and go. I have seen things exactly as they will come to pass, and I have not seen things right around the next corner. I have always only been shown what I was meant to see. I have been asked to have faith when not even grains of sand fell through my fingers, and to keep hope when I could keep no breath in my chest.

These are your stories too.

And now I live in our modern world. I go to the grocery store and shop alongside all the other strangers thinking about what we will all have for dinner. I meet new friends and lose old ones. I watch movies, dress up for dances, and sit in front of my computer…doing this. I get discouraged, and encouraged, and I never get past one thing: I am in love with the universe. I am in love with what you and I are made of. It takes many more forms than we ever see when we think of ourselves or try to judge someone else. We have all been on most sides of everything. We are more than any of it. We are the stars. We are the quiet moon and the flaming pearl of the sun. We are the rainbows and the bursts of light on the ocean. We are not limited by what we have been…but we are enriched by it. And no one can define us…for we are always much more than we seem.

Don’t be afraid. It is likely you have already experienced, somewhere along your soul’s journey, the worst of your fears. This, this of all times of great change, is the one where we realize it, and therefore break free from the spell. And we realize that the power is in our hands, and using it rightly is much simpler than we thought. Those who are good of heart, here, now, and in this time…know it. You must know it or the ones who do not will be the ones to benefit from our fear of our own beauty and brilliance. The reality that is supported by negativity benefits in the time we take thinking we are perfecting our gifts or earning our worth.

You are worthy…you are divine. And there is nothing of more worth than your miraculous heart. The secret is not in giving up your heart’s longing to be of service. The secret is a service that is your heart’s longing. Find, my dear Oracles, what makes you feel joy…and then make it of utmost importance in your life. Make it your spiritual practice. Make it your reason for being. Never think it too small if it brings you joy. Give it all the meaning your dreams deserve, and always keep the temple flame of your heart burning strong.

In Love,
Jennifer

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I’ve also made a very special recording of myself reading this piece with all of my feeling…I hope you enjoy and my deepest love to you all…

Play here:

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(Download Instructions: On a PC, right click the link above, or on a Mac press “control” while clicking on the link, and then choose “save link as” or “download link”.)

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