The Grace of Being Real

by Jennifer on March 14, 2010

2831-frederic-lord-leighton-psamatheSunday, March 14th, 2010

I am not interested in Enlightenment.  I have already been there.  I am interested in becoming better at being human.

–Jennifer Posada

I guess in all truth it would be most easily said that I am a spiritual teacher.  But I shy away from that term because though it is in a way all I do, I do not really teach.  I remind people of what they already know.  And it is simply because I remember.  It is what Oracles do.  They remember because they feel…and they feel deeply.  But even Oracles need reminding.  And it is for this reason I came, to remind the other Oracles.  To remember is to love.  And so I came to love.

But for those who love, you know it is not easy…not easy to love so grandly in a world that still fears such grand love.  But the world is caving.  Caving in to love.  You can’t always tell but I can see it.  I know.  And I know you can feel it too somewhere inside.  That is faith, and it isn’t based on nothing.  It is based on what you know but cannot see yet…what is perhaps and often most true.

And so I teach self-love.  Because we are learning to love on that grand scale again and it all begins, and ends, within.  The rest, all the love you share, is simply a natural result of having that kind of love burning inside you, strong, fierce, and bright…the result of being on fire with love.  Remembering ignites us…remembering who we really are.

But I do not teach that remembering who we are detaches us from emotion and human experience.  In fact I teach that remembering who we are is found through emotion and human experience.  I believe that what we feel…all of it…is sacred.  Not something to tone down or repress.  Not something to hide from or transcend.  Something to honor and embrace.  Even our deepest sufferings are golden, and will always reveal their shine and richness with time.  They are rare and true and ultimately more blessed than we know when they are passing through us and through our lives like wild storms tearing everything apart.  That which seems to tear us from ourselves is only there to show us an even deeper way of being real.  A way of being true to ourselves we would never otherwise have known.

Recently a friend who has taken many courses at the Oracle School came to visit and asked me what it was really like to be me…remembering so much and so in tune with the universe…”It must be like living in a state of grace,” she said.  The music was loud so I couldn’t really respond right then but I thought over what she said and when we sat together over coffee the next day I told her my thoughts.

I told her that I had come up with two things I realized and wanted to share.  First of all I told her that being me was much more like living in a “state of realness.”  In being born remembering I simply am unable to be something other than my true self, whatever that may mean in any given moment.  It means I let myself feel whatever I feel through life, and try never to judge it or doubt its purpose.  It means that I am not without rough patches in the path, but I know how they fit into the Oracle’s journey because I have been on it for so long.  So I trust it.  I don’t expect that everyone will understand me, or that I will always understand what I am feeling myself.  But I know that it is holy.  I know that there is no wrong in it because the universe gave me that feeling…I gave that feeling to myself, and since I know I am a very wise soul (as are each of our souls) I know there must be something right in it.

I am not detached from suffering.  Nor was Isis when she wailed and lost her soul for a time along the banks of the nile when Osiris first belonged to the other realms, all the while in full divine awareness.  Nor was Magdalen when she grieved her losses, nor were any of the beings who we now revere who lived human lives and were meant to receive the blessing of making medicine from poison.  That is why they are still able to share that medicine now.  We too are here to make medicine.  We should never doubt it, even when we feel the poison coursing through our veins.  We wonder why we took that poison again!  We forget while we are sick with it that we are the healers, healing ourselves as we speak and able then to pass on that gift to others.  We only see that later, but it will help us to remember it now!

We can ascend or we can descend.  We can ascend but we have done that before!  What a greater challenge and no less enlightened, in fact perhaps instead the new level of enlightenment this world and the people of this universe are ready to achieve, it would be if we could descend!  Not into the darkness of our fears but through them and into our primal essence and the truth of what we feel and what we know.  What if our priorities changed and we didn’t have anyone to impress but ourselves.  What if we were not afraid to walk with our weakness and our strength both showing…to walk with the arrow in our hearts and not bend to hide it…to not pretend but to feel, and to feel, and to feel…and to know that the arrows dissolve when it is time?  What if we were no longer ashamed?

And so I told my friend the second thing I had thought about in response to her comment, and that was that after realizing that it was more like a state of realness I live in, it came rushing over me how much that is a state of grace.  How much, indeed, I do live in a pure, unbelievable and absolute state of grace.  How much my life is charmed, blessed, and beautiful…because I know it.  Because no matter what is happening I know where home inside me is.  And even if I am going there to nurse my wounds or collapse into an exhausted sleep…I know the way.  And I always find wholeness there.  I live in a state of grace because I trust.  I know who I am at the very core, and nothing makes me believe otherwise about myself because nothing is more real.

This is a time to reconnect with yourself in new, old, and deeper ways.  It isn’t very hard.  You just need some time for yourself.  As much as you can make.  Go to the woods, or anywhere you can feel yourself.  Write.  Make something.  Talk.  Move your body.  Do the things that bring you back to yourself and do as many of them as you can.  You will find a love letter you wrote to yourself a long, long time ago in another world, and it will tell you all the secrets you have been longing to know, and it will tell you something you had forgotten, about what is coming next…

Love, Jennifer

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