Rainbows Inside

by Jennifer on January 16, 2008

jen posadaTuesday, January 15th, 2008

When I was about seven, my grandfather gave me a microscope for christmas. I wasn’t very excited. Of course, I didn’t have any idea what the heck it was anyway. It didn’t have colors, or hair to brush, or wheels to roll along smooth wood floors. It didn’t seem to be a very good toy. But then I figured out what it did…and I got a little bit obsessed. I fell in love with looking at things up close, and with light shining through them. There were slides of plant life…seaweed and moss, blood and organisms. On the slide they just looked like colored blobs…but through this magic instrument they became entire worlds, within worlds. They never ended. They were iridescent, translucent…luminous. They had geometries, and voices, and journeys to take you on. And yet they had nothing to say…no doctrine, no promise. Just beauty.

The best of all, though, were the two plates of glass that you could place anything you wanted inside to look at. One day, I put one of my hairs inside. And I was blown away. I found something unlike anything I had ever seen. I found rainbows, on fire. I found luminous copper flashing gold and yellow glints into forever. I couldn’t believe my eyes.

I looked, and looked. I wanted to look forever.

This is what we really are. Unnamable rainbows beyond exquisite, beyond beautiful, beyond words. We are light behind glass and color, aching to shine, and be seen. Most of all, by ourselves. If we really and truly knew our own beauty, we could never feel ugly, in any way, ever again. We don’t realize that the bigger picture we long for, is often found by looking very, very closely, at ourselves…carefully, deeply, with plenty of warm light to illuminate our essence. Otherwise, all we see is a lifeless blob of color, pressed inside the glass of this strange human life.

In order to see this dimension of beauty, in ourselves and all things, we need an instrument…like my microscope…which gives us perspective. We need to be willing to open up to the other levels of vision and sensation. We need to peel the protective layer off the screen, that makes everything look more dark, and dull, and heavy. We may feel exposed, but we will actually be stronger and clearer than ever before…

The instrument is the heart. The true heart, when open, sees the truth and beauty of everything. It sounds beautiful to open the heart, but it is much more the brilliant and burning and terrible experience only adventurers would be willing to undertake. For it feels like taking your life in your hands, and casting it to the winds. It feels like putting your faith in nothing, and everything. It feels like trusting something you can’t possibly explain, or even understand. We have to let go of understanding, to let go.

When we set these rainbows free, they change everything we feel and see. We stop trying to change what is outside of us, because what radiates from us already does that for us. We, in fact, begin to trail a rainbow behind us, and lay one out before us, everywhere we go. It is not a beauty we have to seek and obtain, but one we already possess. We just have to find out how not to fear it. It holds, in its very humble hands, all the answers to all the prayers we think we have made in vain. It may speak a language we have never heard…but it also understands everything we have never been able to put into words.

They say we only use a tiny percentage of the power of our brains…and this, I often feel, is how little we know of the enormity of our beauty as well. It is a mostly untapped resource, inhibited by outside impressions and deeply held shames. They are the things we put in a box under a floor board and tried to forget, but what we have really forgotten is that they are treasures. If you blow off the dust you will find gold. Just hold it up close.

Just hold it up close…

hold it up to the light.

May the rainbows slip out of the tips of your fingers and the glints in your eyes, and in doing so, make you the finest mirror in which to see your own gorgeous and radiant beauty.


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